last night i found out that i'm still afraid of the dark; afraid of the monsters that will crawl out from underneath my bed as soon as the lights go out. well so what? but it's not being eaten alive that scares the hell out of me. it's the fact that maybe these are the kind of monsters that play with their food before eating it. that maybe they'll tell me that i'm not good enough and they'll poke me and pick me apart until i'm begging for them to get it over with (and they'll just laugh because they know they have so much control over me). well it's times like these where i'll call you for your help and you may or may not answer the phone and you may or may not be able to understand exactly what i'm talking about but i'm telling you it's times like these where i really need a friend. and i know maybe we're getting a little to old for this and you don't want to be out fighting off imaginary foes but i swear it's all so real to me. so please, would you just humor me?
Track Name: how many years have i slept?
as i blindly drive in my two-ton death trap, i am set ablaze by a spark of a thought that spreads like wildfire, consuming every fiber of my existence. fahrenheit 451, it ignites the world before me, reducing all i have left into ashes. everything that i know is cast away with an uneasy exhale. well i dreamt i drank up the ocean to quell that burning in my stomach, but i awoke to find waves of loneliness washing around my ankles and howling winds of regret reminding me of my faults, all while my stomach churned painfully. and i know that it’s all ignited by the thought that i'm not good enough, that maybe i’ll never get to where i’m going, that maybe i’ll fall short and let you down. well i’m tired of being a let down. well i've spent too many mornings pretending to be asleep, convincing myself that it will all be gone when i wake up. and i know it won’t all just disappear. but i’ll still go back to dreaming, every second awake, and i’ll watch the tides as they swallow my feet. they’ll call out to me, seducing me into the dark watery depths and perhaps i might join them. but maybe i’ll just let the undertow drag me slowly and wait, hoping to hear you call my name.
Track Name: these are words.
it's funny how significantly or insignificantly the things we say or do can impact those around us. well i’ve found that we often underestimate the power of our words. with a simple, misjudged, mistimed slip, we can crush our dearest friends and tear apart our loved ones. we’ll i’ve lost track of the number of times i couldn’t take back what i’d said. yet all the while, we may be trying our best to tell the people we care about that we care, that they matter, that life is worth living, and our words may just fall upon deaf ears. and there’s nothing that we can do about it. well i wish that i knew how to express how much the people i love mean to me. i am the insensitive voice, i am the crushed friend. i am the helplessly caring, i am the hopelessly lost. i am all of these and i am nothing. and these are just words.